From Courage to Change of January 26;
I’d read the Twelfth Step many times before I saw it. But there it was: “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps . . . ” What a promise! If I worked these steps, I’d have a spiritual awakening! There was hope, even for me!
Now that’s not why I first came to Al-Anon. Like many, I came to find out how to make someone stop drinking. It was much later when realized that my life was missing a sense of direction only a Higher Power could provide.
Those wonderful Twelfth Step words gave me the encouragement I needed to begin at the beginning. Slowly, sometimes painfully, I worked my way through the Steps. In time, something amazing happened. I was filled with a sense of my God and His love for me. I felt whole. I knew I’d never be the same again.
The Steps offer me a road map for living that leads to a spiritual awakening and beyond. I can’t skip ahead to the end of the journey – which can at times be a hard one – but I can put one foot in front of the other and follow the directions I’ve been given, knowing that others who have gone before me have received more along the way than they had ever dreamed.
The first time I ever hear the Twelve Steps read at a meeting, I became very still. I felt I was not breathing…I was just listening with my whole being…I know deep within me that I was home. ~ As We Understood
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I have made it all the way into Step 9 several times, with a timid approach to Step 10 off and on and an old familiarity with Step 11 from previous spiritual training. Step 12 I have only touched once. I was burned in the attempt. I sponsored someone I held deep resentments for, believing that playing the martyr was the true path to that highly desired “Spiritual Awakening.” This was a familiar path in my past religious affiliation and in my co-dependent role as family diplomat. I desire this promise above all others. I need it. God never offers a superfluous gift.
I want to include something my daughter shared with me, a music video by a singer she was familiar with. I share it here because it seems applicable and because it is so very real and raw. The musician is Macklemore and the song he does is called “Drug Dealer.” The video aspect of this song amplifies the reality of this disease, so if the link I include goes dead, search for the Official rendering.