From Courage to Change of January 25;
Before I discovered Al-Anon I often used other people’s problems as an excuse to avoid my obligations. I loved the drama of another’s crisis and talked about it at every opportunity. My own life seemed increasingly trivial, and my problems felt silly.
It was therefore very difficult for me to focus on myself when I came to Al-Anon. I wanted to talk about the alcoholic when I came to meetings, but no one seemed interested. They all kept asking about me – how I felt, what I did, what I wanted.
I found that I was overly interested in others because I had such a low opinion of myself. My Sponsor helped me to see that when I acted as if someone else’s life was more important than mine, I was harming myself. This had to stop if I wanted to learn to value my own experience. Focusing on myself was the beginning of building self-esteem. It took practice, but with the support I got in meetings, I grew more comfortable. I learned to talk about myself and to view my feelings, achievements, and concerns as valid and important.
Today, if I’m tempted to gossip or to create a drama around someone else’s life, I will ask myself, “What is going on with me?”
“We talk about the part we played in our problems and how we change our attitudes and actions by applying the Al-Anon program to our lives.” ~ Al-Anon Spoken Here
END OF QUOTE—————————————-
When does compassion become self-destructive? My Higher Power and I are parents to that core being, that cosmic child hidden deep within. When I find in my moral inventory places where my parents failed me when I was a physical child, I am recognizing a responsibility on my part to re-parent my own inner psychic child. I cooperate with My Higher Power for this complete psychic change.
Compassion becomes self-destructive when it allows me to martyr my own core, and to give my inner parenting to intervene where I am not invited. I do more good demonstrating self-care than demanding it.